Hmmm....

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Reading is a conversation. All books talk. But a good book listens as well. --Mark Haddon

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Courage

I was thinking about my fear immobilizing me from taking any action to making my life better. Just as I'm about to jump over the chasm to the other side I find myself tripping and falling into it.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary courage is defined as 'mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty'. Another thing that it says is the word's origins is from Latin cor - Heart.

Yes, this is something that I seem to have deserted quite a long time ago without even realizing it. Here's to a new rediscovery of this trait with many others so that my life become more enriching and satisfying.

TO COURAGE!


Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.

Mark Twain



Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.

Dan Rather



Friday, October 21, 2011

Life is But a Journey

Poem by Darryn John Murphy

Life is but a journey
Down a long and winding road
I look to the horizon
To a place I've never seen
I don't know where I'm going
But I sure know where I've been
And I know one day I'll find
A place that is right for me

I don't know if there is work
I don't know if there is love
I guess in time I'll see
If there is to be a family for me
I know life is a journey
Down a long and winding road
I also know that's the way it's supposed to be
So as I travel towards the future
I guess in time I'll find my place
When I do I know that is where I'll stay

Change. New Adventures. What is the purpose of today?

I constantly feel a need to be more but always find myself falling short. Is this something we all feel?

Lately I've been waking up and just stay laying in bed letting my mind wander. There's no longer this need to find a way to escape right away. My main forms of escape are through reading stories or simply making up some of my own.

The good thing is that I find myself exploring my inner self through the stories I either choose to read or end up writing. The heroines and life lessons I lean towards are examples of how I wish to live my life. But, as usual, I always seem to find a disconnect from seeing the picture to actually living it.

In the end E.M. Forster's quote comes to mind:
How can I know what I think until I see what I say?

~~~LC~~~

One of my little side projects is to expand my English vocabulary. I look back and have regrets but realize that it won't do me any good to live in the regret and remorse. No, I must learn from it and move on. Which makes the following saying very apropos.


~~~LC~~~

Well, life is a journey. I should stop worrying about where I end up and just realize that as long as I'm present in the moment and do my best then the destination will work itself out.

In the end I hope to live a fuller life as of right now and realize that change is essential to make it exciting.

Like Chuck Palahniuk said:
May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect.

More than anything, I am in the process of learning not to let fear overtake me once more. Which is why I take Eugine O'Neill's words to heart:

Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of the flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love love?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Living Life

Was reading Meg's Blog when the quote below hit me.

I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely, miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is grand.
Agatha Christie

It's this attitude that kept me from going through the suicide.
It was the gift of not finding the gun that I know was in the house but disappeared that day, or the knife wasn't sharp enough to make it quick enough, or my therapist called.
All of that allowed me to have enough time to listen to that voice pipe up in the back of my head.
Call it my conscious, Higher Power, God, Fate, Lady Luck or my Guardian Angel looking out for me.
In the end because life seemed to always present me with another opportunity to keep going that I'm now able to be grateful for being here today.
~~~LC~~~

The following quote is from Sarah's blog, fairy tales are true, and I feel that it pretty much speaks for itself.
If I had to live my life over...I would have actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
Nadine Stair, age 85

~~~LC~~~

The PostSecret below calls to me. It reminds me that this is where I want to be yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Yes, I am a woman who is happy with her life irregardless of how I was forced to grow up.
My past trials only made me stronger.
Huh, can go on and on with all the nice slogans and platitudes but where it all matters is in the action, you see, it's how I live my life that matters in the end.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.


R.I.P. Steve Jobs


Some excerpts from the speech above:
When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.

Image: Steve Jobs

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Kate Winslet's Beauty

I was checking out Bohemea and saw these pics of Kate Winslet and was in awe of her beauty. This blog is really cool because of all the pics it brings out definitely have a bohemian flair to it.
Personally, my favorites are in black and white.

Kate Winslet - Bazaar UK by Tom Munro, November 2011
Kate Winslet - Bazaar UK by Tom Munro, November 2011

She can definitely do Glam as well.
kate winslet

No matter what happens to her she always seems to know what's important in her life. Reminds me of when she missed the premiere of Titanic because she realized that going to a funeral with her family and friends was more important than her career. A woman that doesn't sell out her principles just to promote her career (which the role did, it made her an A-list actress in Hollywood) is someone who definitely deserves what respect me and others give her.

This is a nod to all the Beautiful, Honorable, and
Great Women out there!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Audrey and Growing Up

One of the things that I was reminded of recently was how good a role model Audrey Hepburn is.

Sure she may have passed on but she definitely left a mark and the quotes she has bestowed the world with are definitely for all women, young and old, to take to heart and live by.

That’s one of the great things that all those sites on the net are teaching me. There’s so much wisdom out there along with all of the stupid/silly stuff but in the end all of it calls to a certain part of my personality and helps it grow.

What I’m trying to say is that with all of my yearning to learn and evolve I’m forgetting to live in the moment. There’s a big part of me that’s still stuck on the wishing, dreaming, and longing.

I guess after being ‘on pause’ for so long and occasionally taking a peak around me to see how others are living their lives to only go back to ignoring everything and continuing the cycle of yearning that I’ve lost the basic tools in recognizing the beauty of just Being and actually Living life to the fullest.

But I’m pretty good at faking it right now. So far one of the main things that I’ve noticed is how quick my days are going by now. Amazing how now I realize there are all these neat things to do outside in the real world my time goes by that much more quickly while before it was full of moping and doing absolutely anything while wishing for an escape in what was most definitely not conducive to a healthy, productive, and fulfilling life.

There’s a part of me that still finds this new track of life (supposedly) a bit pointless and frightful while this other part that’s slowly becoming bigger than the other is filling me once more with Hope. And for Hope to bloom I need Faith.

See, there’s this hunger that’s never been satiated. I’ve always felt that in order to survive I had to hide an important, very intrinsic, part of myself from everyone so that I won’t lose it. Funny thing is that in doing this, although I felt it was completely logical at the time, has really been detrimental to my growth in becoming the woman I was meant to be.

This part is so simple and has been glimpsed upon occasion but has never been let out to bask in the sunshine so it could prosper. It’s simply my need for adventure.

A big part of me realizes that no matter how much I try to learn anything and everything it will never happen but the journey can be FUN because it’s up to me to decide what to learn and experience. Yeah.

I can keep going on and on with this topic but the truth of the matter is that the best way to enjoy this experience without making it more complicated than it is, because once I do that the fear creeps out of nowhere enveloping me in its old familiarity as if it’s my dear friend when it truly isn’t, is to simply enjoy the moment by being completely present.

Maybe someday I can look back at my life and realize that the past 15 years of my life where I was depressed was really just a cleansing of the soul preparing me for the next 30+ years of amazing tales.

Good thing I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason.

~Found the pics at vi.sualize.us~

Sunday, October 2, 2011

A Dog's Purpose

Got this in an email from the wondrous Mama Bear!
Once more this woman knows how to get me out of a funk without even trying! Yeah, it turns out that this is a good old post about the beauty of innocent wisdom through the mouth of babes.
Makes me want to do a post on beauty of love instead of the unrequited.
Hm, seems I'm way too used to the breaking of a heart.
Gotta look at the positive.

~~~LC~~~


A Dog's Purpose
(from a 6-year-old’s Perspective)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements the parents told me they thought it would be good for the little boy. to observe the procedure. They felt as though he might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. The little boy seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
The little boy, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, ''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued, ''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Live simply.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

Enjoy Every Moment of Every Day!

Unrequited Love

And once she grew emotionally involved or attached to someone,
she could never get away.

~~~LC~~~
Found these pics while looking at the tag for unrequited love on Bruce M's Enlightened Conflict blog.





~~~LC~~~

Yes, that seems to be the evolution of where I've found myself where love is concerned. If you look at my very first few posts you can see that I originally started this blog to vent my feelings on Mr. Blue Eyes.

Since then I've managed to cut him out of my life because my feelings for him were causing me more pain than anything. Sure, he's a lovely man and all but I just found myself in a place where I needed to let him go so that my delusional self would finally move on.

So, voila!